A Little Spark

I don’t have many words to spare this morning as I work toward today’s word count goal. Last night, however, I reached 25,164 words; the halfway point of NaNoWriMo 2018! To be honest, I wasn’t sure I was going to take part this year because I couldn’t fathom going back to that place from last year. But I’m doing it. Throughout writing, it feels somewhat like madness. Some days, it’s a little spark. Other days, it’s a blaze. Yet, it’s kept me going in these beginning days of NaNoWriMo!

The last time I wrote here, I was just weeks away from the publication of my first collection, These Are the Women We Write About. Amidst waiting for that book, I was outlining a short story, which today, is published in Mistletoe & Magic: A YA Holiday Anthology.

My short story, “in the Valley of Stars,” features three women from and a hint of magic from current work-in-progress. The anthology is now available for purchase from Amazon as an ebook for $.99 for one last day. And all too soon, print copies will be available, too, just in time for the holidays! There is also a giveaway running to include the authors’ books (my collection included), which can be entered HERE!

Now all these months later, that short story helped bring me back to my NaNoWriMo project as it grows like every story: word by word by word. There’s a very good chance I’ll “win” NaNo this year by making it to 50,000 words. But there’s also a chance I might finish the novel I dreamed up 9 years ago. I like the odds.

And yet, to say the writing is easy would be nonsensical. To say anything other than writing is work would be a lie. I love the work. And some days I stare out at the blank sea of a wordless page with blurry eyes knowing I should get to bed lest suffer the next day at my day job.

This time, however, the work of this story is urgent, even when the page appears wordless. I want to finish this not so first draft. I need to write this book. Whatever it takes: tired mornings, notes on my lunch break, talking out plot points with myself in the dark of night. I’ll make it happen. It’s what I do. And while I drifted from that place in September and October, I’ve written myself back to better. So here’s to better writing. Here’s to progress. And here’s to finishing my next book by the end of the month!

All That Remains

Amidst drafting my current work-in-progress, I have found myself reevaluating my writing process. With DREAM CATCHERS still out in the query trenches, I have found this current project to be just as magical as it's always been. After nine years working on the Falling series, it feels like I finally know what BOOK ONE needs to be. And through this learning process, I've reminded myself how I've grown as a writer and how writing this book can be different than the last four years spent on the Dreamer Duology. 

What I've discovered since being back in this fantastical world, is that writers can change many things: the process of plotting and writing, revision and editing. But as my best friend reminds, "you can't change your emotional truth." While she may have said this in reference to another moment and memory in time, I've continued to repeat the words through my mind like a mantra. Much can change. But when hurts and heartbreaks and heeded warnings are all that remains, it is best to remember them.

It is with this knowledge that I proceed into the drafting of the WIP, taking my burdens with me. It is the best gift and the greatest curse of writing that we may spill ourselves into fiction. Such remains a reality in this WIP. There is darkness and there are shadows within these new pages. But there is also goodness and light and hope; everything I know to temper the harsh reality of feeling too deeply about the world and its inhabitants.

As I continue to craft the beginning of this book, I won't try to change my emotional truths because to do so would deny the validity of feeling. But I will keep writing. I'll keep building a world of my own creation. I will plot and plan because that is the kind of writer I am. Unlike the early experience of writing DREAM CATCHERS,  I won't shy away or detach from writing the difficult scenes within this book, because those are the ones which ring and resonant with truth.

If anything, I have learned what works for me in the here and now instead of focusing on what I can't change about my lyrical style and voice. These are the things which I've never had to force, because they've always been there. I'm not sure it's worth dwelling on those things when there is so much power to be had in creating myself anew. So this time, I will write the chapters in a linear way. I will share them with my critique partner as I go. I will check in with the story from time to time to make sure character motivations are clear, that voices remain distinct, that what I am writing feels true to the story I'm trying to tell. But such are the fickle foes of writing.

Much as I would like to imagine writing to be magic, it is work. Alas, it is work that I so love. Maybe that emotional truth is the greatest of all because it reminds I will make this story into something real. And even as the world tries to break my spirit, as people depart and new ones emerge along this writing journey, I will cling to the dream of the Falling series and all it has done to make me into the writer I am today. 

Should you find yourself in the middle of burning bridges broken beyond repair, or breaking bad habits, writing or otherwise,  I hope you'll remember that even if you can't change your emotional truth, you can acknowledge the fear, the hurt, the joy, etc. and use it to grow. Become better. Remain true. 

A Little Perseverance

Today is the last day of National Novel Writing Month. Though I managed to reach the 50,000 word goal two days prior to this post, I still wanted to commemorate this ending.

In years past, I’d always wanted to take part in NaNoWriMo. But alas, other writing projects seemed to dominate my Novembers, and I never felt I could properly commit, and so, I never took part in the magic and insanity that is writing 50,000 words in a month. 

Until now.

For those of you following my journey to publication, you will know I am currently in the query trenches with the novel I conceptualized during graduate school. With that project done, and waiting for agent responses growing by the day, I knew I needed a distraction. This realization occurred last month and afforded me the time to take part in Preptober to get myself ready for the official start date of NaNoWriMo. I took the month of October to begin outlining for a somewhat new work-in-progress; BOOK ONE in the Falling series demanded to be written again. This time I knew it would be better. 

I originally wrote the first book in this series back in 2012, and it was the first novel I wrote. But long before that, I’d written a short story, and from those fourteen pages came the formation of this projected pentalogy, which I outlined in a British literature class during my undergrad. It’s been eight years since I first delved into this world, and it remains one of my greatest loves, and favorite escapes. This story is the one I took to grad school, too stubborn to let go my first semester, and then later set aside to begin the Dreamer Duology. In the three years I spent writing my other novel for grad school, I never gave up on the Falling series. Though I wasn’t writing in that world every day, I spent that time getting to know my characters better, and brainstorming all that will come to pass over the course of these five books. 

And now, at the end of NaNoWriMo, I have 51,032 words of this new draft, and it’s just as magical as I remember all those years ago. 

Before undertaking this challenge, I feared (what I now know was somewhat irrational) that I couldn’t write another book. Maybe other writers experience this same thing after working on one project for multiple years. You see, the novel I’m querying was not easy to write, and if you ask those closest to me, they might mention the toll completing this novel took on me and my writing.  Now that’s not to say I don’t love that book. I wouldn’t be querying agents with it now if I didn’t adore what I’d written. But the actual process was difficult. And through it, I’d started to doubt the magic of writing. 

But I digress. 

Starting this newish project for NaNoWriMo proved that writing and drafting are still magic, and not just because there is a fair bit of fantasy within this WIP. Writing this story reminded me how extraordinary it feels to get swept up into a world crafted entirely from your own mind. And while there were days more difficult than others this month, days when I did not write a single word, I still achieved that 50K goal. 

I think it is a common misconception that writers need to write every day to be writers. Frankly, that’s bullshit. Most writers, myself included, have day jobs, which pay bills and student loans. And we have family and friends and pets and other obligations, which sometimes prevent the act of writing every day from actually happening. But through NaNoWriMo, I discovered there is a difference between writing every day and writing consistently. Though I went four consecutive days without writing, those days away were much needed to prevent creative burnout and to brainstorm a rather difficult chapter. But still, my mind never left this fictional world I so love. 

As I scroll through the 183 pages I managed to complete thus far, I know I’ve tackled something important. I also discovered a new tool to help drafting, which was born out of my proclivity toward visual learning. With the help of Pinterest (which for those interested in what inspires my many fictional worlds, you can follow my book boards HERE) I created inspiration boards for each chapter, which are pictured below! In doing so, I had to narrow down what I was trying to accomplish most, which helped in the process of outlining, all while keeping me on task. 

And with the help of friends cheering me on from near and far, a fantastical Spotify playlist curated the month before, and many cups of coffee, I have a start to a story I’d always hoped to return to one day. 

I’m not sure where the querying process will take me in the months to come, but with the start of this newish story, I now have an escape for when rejection feels too real or the world feels too wrecked. I’ll make my art. I’ll write my stories. And with a little perseverance, and a little uphill climb (and maybe, even the Dear Evan Hansen soundtrack), I’ll write the next 50,000 words. 

A Very Merry Unbirthday

Although yesterday was Lewis Carroll's real birthday, I thought it would be more appropriate to wait until today to celebrate this amazing writer! After all, today is his unbirthday, a term coined by Carroll himself in Through the Looking Glass. Looking back, Disney's Alice in Wonderland is probably my favorite film from childhood. I used to watch it at my grandma's every time I was sick, and now, I'm just as enthralled with Wonderland. 

I think it is Carroll's world, among others, that taught me it was okay to have an imagination, to dream, to create a world of my own, which, I now have done with my writing. I still think about the beautiful, mysterious, and dangerous world Lewis Carroll created, keeping that as one of my touchstones as I write fiction, and especially while I write the Falling series.

Despite any controversy that surrounds this story and its creator, I think it's fair to say that he deserves a shout out on his un-birthday for everything his books have given to me. I agree with Einstein who said:

 "if you want your children to be intelligent read them fairytales."

It seems today, so many people are afraid that fairytales and fantasy will rot children's brains, or worse, turn them into practitioners of black magic. And so, they ban these books, they hide them in locked cabinets. But what these people seem to have forgotten is that the heroes in fiction mirror our real life heroes, and so too do the villains.

Before I get too far off on my quest to end book banning, let me just say Happy Unbirthday to Lewis Carroll, and to all you invisible readers out there who are also celebrating your unbirthdays today! 

I Spy a Writer

I organized all of my writing materials today, and seeing tangible reminders of all I've created proved writing is just as much a part of me as my fingers or toes. I started playing "I Spy," a game I so loved as a child. I guess I loved it because even then, I was a tiny observer; someone who loved searching, who loved questions, and clues. No one ever guessed mine because I always picked the most minuscule thing, finding it so beautiful.

Today I did the same thing! I played "I Spy," and discovering I am a person who has had the strength and dedication to finish writing a novel, to revise it, to believe in it, and to keep going with a vision I've had for almost five years now.

I realized I am someone who is a collector of sorts. I have envelopes stashing every note I've every taken for the Falling series, all of my files for character development, and copies of every manuscript I've worked on, showing just how far I've come as a writer. I have folders with first drafts, revisions, and feedback. And I have it all stored away so someday down the line, I can look at all those ideas.

I've learned I'm someone committed to the craft of writing. I have over nine books, which have to do with this craft. Sure, I've only read about half of them, but it is my dedication to being a better writer, which I unearthed among these books.

I also found that I take advice (well some of it anyway) very seriously. I have over eleven notebooks filled, or almost filled, and it's all because I read you should always keep a notebook handy. Now I have a notebook or journal for everything, and I love that I can tuck away notes and quotes and book ideas until I'm ready to see them again

Along the lines of being organized, I also realized that I am somewhat binder obsessed. I have seven binders right now, spilling over with too many pages. I have a binder labeled Writing, which houses everything I've ever written from a limerick about pickles written back in seventh grade, all the way up to the latest short story I've finished.

I have a Keep Calm and Write On binder, keeping all of the feedback I've gotten for BOOK ONE. I have one binder with general information, character sketches, notes, and even sections for every book I've planned in the Falling series. There is a binder for poems, short stories, and even other book ideas I'd like to pursue. I have a skinny binder with the pages of my first manuscript, one which shall not be named. And the behemoth of them all is my binder with the research I've done on publishing with practice query letters and feedback from my earliest BETA readers. Somehow, having all of that stored in brightly-colored binders assures me I'm organized, I'm passionate; I am a writer.

Positive Thinking

Sometimes all it takes to make things happen is a little positive thinking! After tackling all the items on my list today, I was feeling like I needed to make a plan for my writing for the next two months. Here's the plan:

December--I would like to finish edits on BOOK ONE! I also plan on finishing the last five chapters of BOOK TWO before the New Year. I'm not sure if it's going to happen, but I'm going to try!

January--I plan on doing two read-throughs of BOOK TWO before I start revising. I've spaced the two read-throughs a few weeks apart so I can leave a little time to let everything simmer.

Also during the month of January, I'll be in New Hampshire for my graduate school residency, and other days will be reading days. I think as writers, it is important that we still read. And for myself, I know I need to read, because I love words and paper and ink and falling into the pages of a story.

Looking at what I've planned for the next few months makes me see how much work I still have to do in these books. But it also shows just how far I've come as a writer! Even if I don't meet these deadlines each day, I'm not going to stress. Life happens, and it's these great moments in life, which help me the most as a writer. I can't just ignore them. Lately, however, I've had a difficult time getting everything done. But with my undergrad completed, I feel like I finally have the time to devote to my book and I couldn't be happier!

There are days when it feels like the chapters will never be finished, and that maybe,  no one will ever want to read this book. But then there are days like today, when I know without a doubt that this book is going to be published. I suppose, sometimes, we need to listen to ourselves, and maybe J.M. Barrie, who said:  

"The moment you doubt you can fly, you cease forever to be able to do it." 

I don't want to lose my ability to fly, or to write, or to dream. And I think, sometimes, all we need is faith and trust and pixie dust, or so says Peter Pan. Regardless, I'm going to wake up every day and tell myself that I will get published. And then I'm going to have a cup of coffee, sit down, and write.

The Process of Revision

For the past three months, I have been revising and editing BOOK ONE with the two  amazing peers in room 309 of Ketchum Hall. Our time together is almost done, and so, too, are the changes I've made. Before this whole process, I thought my book was finished, but this experience has taught me the benefits of a writer community when it comes to both revision and editing.

You see, invisible reader, sometimes being a writer is solitary. Sometimes it's lonely, and somewhat painful. But it's also wonderful and exhilarating and rewarding and filled with   characters created from the writer's own imagination! But getting to work and revise with fellow writers is something, which makes this whole process of bettering a manuscript more enjoyable.

I'm sure you've noticed that updates about the progress of BOOK TWO have somewhat stalled for the last few months. But fear not. I haven't given up on this sequel! On the contrary, I've learned that trying to work on revisions for one book while writing the next installment at the same time is just too much.

So what's to come in this new year?

To begin, I will attend my first winter residency of graduate school where I will be able to share this book with another writing community, and hopefully I will be able to make this book the best it can be!

I think it's true when people say you shouldn't rush your first book. It needs time to be revised again and again and again. That's just part of the life of a writer. But even amidst these revisions, the future is bright and exiting! All that's left is to tell myself there is something divine found in the act of this process, and that no matter what, I have a story I believe in. After all, at the end of the day, that's the best a writer can hope for. 

Oh, The Places I'll Go

After much debate, I've decided I needed to share my exciting news here since it is very much wrapped up in the future of my book. I recently received my acceptance letter to the MFA Fiction program through Southern New Hampshire University!

I will begin my first residency in New Hampshire this coming January, and I can't wait to continue my journey as a writer, and maybe share that experience here!

This program caters to the development and publication of a writer's first manuscript, and I know taking the Falling series to the mountains of New Hampshire will take me to the life I've always imagined; I'm on my way to a place, which will help lead me toward my dream of publication. 

I can't wait to share my book with other writers and people in the literary world. I think as writers we continue to create work so that others can read our words and stories, our thoughts and ideas. And knowing there will be a place of like-minded people has this acceptance feeling even better! 

Help From a Little Genius

The following is the result of my discussion with my little genius. As previously mentioned, I am a visual learner, and as such, I figured it was about time to break in the new house and fill both of my closets with pictures and post-its. They are, after all, the perfect thing to get those creative juices flowing.

Why on the inside of the closet? Well for starters I don't even have room for a desk, and second, my senior year of high school, I took AP Ceramics where I had a cupboard all to myself to store my projects, and I covered the inside with pictures, which inspired me. For some reason, I was thinking about that yesterday, and it seemed a good idea to try here.

The smaller closet door is covered in pictures from my trip to England back in 2010, including the Bridge of Sighs in Oxford, which I've been thinking about a great deal as of late (fun fact: it's pictured above!). I like the idea of bridges, and hope looking at this bridge every day will help me cross into more creativity. Among other things that happened yesterday, I also changed the course of the last five chapters of BOOK TWO, because I saw a great scene in my head while in the shower, which is where I usually get the best ideas. But I digress. I chose pictures from England because they are both beautiful, and they remind me of a time when I felt brave, and free, and inspired; all things needed to write.

The larger closet door has the origin story behind this series, as well as maps, and the entire timeline from start to finish with dates and events spanning the frame of the door. Every time I open one of these doors it reminds me how much I love this series, how obsessed I am with creating this world, and how much I love writing. I think those are pretty great things to be reminded of every day.

Hopefully this will inspire me. And maybe this is just the motivation I need to finish BOOK TWO, and complete revisions for BOOK ONE. I guess it's true that a writer's work is never finished, because even when I'm not writing, I'm thinking about writing. This series is on my mind 24/7, but I wouldn't have it any other way!

Conquering Writer's Block

Finally conquering what seems like the longest bout of writer's block has brought me here. I finished the long-awaited Chapter 22, a chapter I have been waiting to write since I got the idea almost two years ago. With this chapter done, I only have five more, plus the Epilogue before BOOK TWO in this series is completed. Notice I said completed and not finished. There will still be many rounds of revisions and edits before BOOK TWO is actually done. But for now, I'm thrilled that I finally finished this chapter!

How did I do it?

Well I stopped over thinking the chapter and the process of writing a chapter. I just sat down, and worked. I wrote word by word without thinking about how it was all going to come together. And almost miraculously, it did come together. I found this really great spot on the Buffalo State College campus and wrote any chance I got and a week later, the chapter was done!

Between finding this place beneath almost-autumnal leaves, and listening nonstop to The Civil Wars, I worked through whatever subconscious roadblock was keeping me from continuing down this road to the end of BOOK TWO. I think writer's block is as simple as tearing down the walls that you, yourself have built in order to keep moving forward. It's as simple as figuring out what tools help you. Tear down those walls. Work on those words. And write.

I mean that's how this whole thing started. It started because I loved to write, because I felt compelled to write this story. And now, all these years and drafts and characters later, I feel like I need to remember how it all started so I can keep heading towards the next part of my journey.

After all, if we're not moving forward, we're stuck. Because we can't go back, and I'm not sure I would want to go back; to the beginning, to a time when no one knew I was writing these books. Because I would lose these people who have given me more support than I ever dreamed. And it is through them that I find the courage to keep working on this series.

These books started for me, and they will end with me. But along the way, I hope to share this with the world, word by word, chapter by chapter, and book by book.